Yearning For Private Space

I went to my family doctor the other day, itsokay everything'sfine, well, up to a point. There's not much he can do for that second head growing out of my neck. It's coming along nicely. Doctor says it'll start talking soon. Right now it moans and grunts whenever it wants something. I think it's a boy. If it is, I'm gonna name it Herman. Or Larry. Not sure.


The thing I hate about going to my doctor's, aside from the fact he still doesn't seem to recognize me after 24 years, is the lack of privacy when I present myself to the secretary. It's such a quiet place that you can hear perfectly any conversation - and I have 79% hearing in one ear. No matter how much you try to shield yourself and talk in a low hush tone or telepathic code, the acoustics boom and bounce off the back files and onto the waiting room where patients are a tad too interested in your tribulations for my taste. Either that or I'm a narcissistic paranoid.

Come to think of it...


So if I have a pubic hair growing out of my eyelid, not only will people hear it, the secretary is likely to repeat it as if she's talking through a megaphone. "What? You have a pubic hair coming our of your eyelid?" Just call TLC or Discovery already, will ya? At which point I put a book to my eye and run away crashing against walls and into invalids.

I'm an intensely private person so I don't like people who choose not to keep a healthy social distance from me. For example, while I was talking to the secretary some idiot deemed it appropriate to walk up to the counter and stood right next to me to rest his hand there as if he was part of the conversation. Rude prick.

I notice that sometimes secretaries are pretty good at protecting territory but this one wasn't disturbed even though I had Franks' hot sauce spewing from my eyes I was so angry. Sometimes I make a gesture to send a message but on this occasion I was a coward and accepted the impolitesse of my fellow douchetard man.

To me, all this lack of privacy, would be like if a gynecologist had an open loft concept with his patients.

You know?

I bet you do.

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