Bill Murray - He Sure Can Pick'em

I love subtle humour. Films like Christopher Guests' 'Best in Show', 'Spinal Tap and any Woody Allen (Bullets over Broadway for example) film are genius in their subtleness. I love brilliantly orchestrated slap stick humour like 'Duck Soup' and situational ones like 'Some Like it Hot'. Not to mention animated ones like 'Shrek' and 'The Incredibles'. Humour in film rarely gets critically acclaimed and rewarded. Sophisticated humour remains on the periphery of award shows. No matter, writing humourous scripts is an art form unto itself.

Bill Murray is one of those masters of dead-pan, subtle humour. On SNL, he's best remembered for less subtle sketches (like when he was a lounge singer singing the 'Star Wars' tune) but his movie career has been nothing short of excellent. His choice of scripts is usually impeccable. Watching Murray interpret edgy and difficult scripts has been quite an enjoyable pass time for some. For this, Murray is one of the finest actors in Hollywood. His work in 'Lost in Translation', 'Rushmore'. Groundhog Day, 'Ed Wood', 'Royal Tanenbaums and his latest 'Life Aquatic' proves this. All great and interesting films in their own way and he excelled in each of them.

Who says humour is a lost art form? As long as their are people around willing to write the scripts and as long as there are actors like Murray around to take them on, humour will continue to evolve -for the better.


Fictional Headlines

Current Affairs

-Canada #1! In a study conducted by a reputable rag foundation UN Canada ranks first among second-rate countries. Montreal finished 3rd among third-rate cities. "Canada, as megalomaniacs, did a wonderful job of improving its rhetoric without backing any of it up. This put them ahead of France." As for Montreal "Montreal is one helluva a sexy town. Why do you think it was ranked so highly?"

-Karla Homolka set to live in Montreal district of N.D.G. One of Canada's most notorious and infamous killers is prepared to prowl the streets of West Montreal. "I decided to drop the 'H'. I figure Quebecers would be more comfortable with calling me Oh-molka." Her imminent arrival has many worried. "Karla has indeed done her time. My concern is more with the criminal justice system that allowed for her to plea her way into a 12-year sentence for her part in a heinous crime. Furthermore, just last year a Parole Board concluded after her hearing that she had not rehabillated herself. Is this the actions of a responsible society? Ooops, we're talking about Canada. Sorry. We're the most irresponsible society around."

-Christmas caroling banned. "This isn't 'It's a Wonderful Life. We are a secular society and caroling is offensive to other denominations. Tolerance is measured by how inoffensive we are to others while compromising ourselves," states Eb Scrooball of the anti-caroling defense league.

-------NEWSFLASH -------Kermit the Frog here to remind Canadians in Quebec that they are double-taxed at the Federal and Provincial level. That's TWO levels of government sticking their hands where they don't belong. Then again, most tolerate the State legislating all sorts of things that infringe upon your liberties. They are laughing at you. You need lessons from Oscar the Grouch you dummies."


-The Commentator was interviewed by Ellen DeGeneres and following the conclusion of the meeting Ellen remarked "You make me want to go straight."


-Montreal celebrates the arrival of second tier soccer. Major League Baseball disappears unceremoniously. Some think this is the rebirth of this city.


Enron symptom of deeper sinister problems. With over 6 000 companies trading on a daily basis in the world's largest and most efficient society, Enron is a rallying point for anything cynical.


My Day at the Zoo

My name is Werty. I am 19 years-old and decided to go back to night school. For homework, I wrote about my trip to the zoo.

The day started when my mom, a skank, refused to sign my note clearing me to go with the class. I was mad. She was lying next to a drunk chinese black midget. I left and went to see my dad, a dim-witted idiot, and got permission from him. I once read a book called 'The Idiot.'

I don't know why my teacher wants this note, as the State deemed my parents unfit to live, let alone take care of children. Dad was licking envelopes on a city bench when I found him. He said he was onto big things with Medium Eddy. Eddy has two teeth. He swears that aliens are conducting experiments on his teeth. I'm no skeptic but I think he hovers around the universe, if you get my drift.

I got my illiterate father to sign and I left. I read somewhere that illiteracy rates are on the rise on the continent. We all got on the bus and the teacher sat next to me. I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Don't join the mafia. Government hates competition." and "Jesus Saves".

Saves what, I wondered out loud? What does Jesus save? I cried for a while. My teacher smelled nice. She whispered softly to me and yelled at the others.

When we got to the zoo I was amazed by the animals. I never thought tigers were that big. They scared me. Growl!

I saw all sorts of animals and my teacher kept tapping me on my bum. A yak said hello to me. For some reason, I was fixated on all their big wazoos. I touched mine for comparative examination.

At one point, I was standing in front of a goat and it began to lick me. I liked it. A lot. Then, my teacher began to lick me and I was suddenly awash in animal saliva. It was fun. I plunged my teacher next to the goat and then we all went home. The goat's fur, I think, looks healthier now.

Not to mention my teacher's skin and hair. She's pretty and I love her.


Max: Psst, I'm Unemployed.

I'm feeling somewhat political today.

It's been a while but I was gathering bananas for the United Fruit Company for charity in the Carribean.

No sleep makes you wonder about things people never consider. I hate dogs. Dogs are fricken annoying. They sniff and drool all over you. Most people would much prefer a dog over a cat. Not me. I want the aloof agility and elegance of a cat any day. Cats are cooler. Dogs are nerds. Even the comics think so. Many heroes and villains alike have been cats - Catwoman, Tiger-Man, Cat-Man etc. I never saw Dog-Man or Canine Guy or Mutt Boy. Ok,so there's Wunder-Dog and Mutley. Hardly legendary. That's because there is nothing hip about dogs.

Blogs that make it are the ones that provide stories either overlooked or ignored by the media. So here's mine. It has not been verified nor do I have any sources but it's a strong hunch. My hunches are famous as they are infamous. You should see me curve my back. I'm one hell of a hunchback from, where is it, Nutter-Dame. Anyway, Lloyd Robertson, beloved old guy anchorman for CTV News, is actually dead. He has been cryogenically preserved and is let out every night at 11pm to do his newscast. Now that's dedication.

Seat belt laws are smart. Yes, they save lives and sometimes big brother has to intervene for our own good. What I hate is that I have to pay a fine for exercising my right to not wear the belt should some cop pull me over. It's nobody's business but my own what I choose to do with my life. If I want to be stupid that's my problem. And spare me the 'overloading our hospitals' bit. We're doing fine without this.

Now for more Hollywood drivel. Sean (pronounced Seen) Penn (pronounced Peen) you are not an official diplomat. I repeat. Now recite. Sean and the UN. Oh, brother. I watched 'Meet the Fockers' the other night. It was ok. Nothing staggering. Here's my view of this film. First of all, I wanted to punch and beat up both fathers but mostly Mr. Focker played by Dustin Hoffman. He was an idiot. If he was my father I'd run....far. An irresponsible, disrespectful New Age moron. Mr. Byrne, played by DeNiro, was a rigid close-minded former CIA guy. Anyway, by the end of the movie Hollywood came in with their verdict as to who should change. Ding, ding, ding, no surprise- the conservative DeNiro by the end moderated his stance and the implicit message was sent. Hoffman's character was superior and was in no need of enhancement since his views and outlook were more closely aligned to Hollywood's vision of a perfect human being. While DeNiro became a better human being according to the Hollybankrupt ethos, Hoffman stayed the same. I ask, who is the better human? A person who sees the errors of their ways is always made wiser no? Hoffman is allowed to go on acting like a complete narcissistic child holding on to over-rated 60s baby boomer ideals. There never was a Camelot loser. If Hollywood had their way, we'd all be paying more for organic bread, dismantling our arms to allow enemies to take advantage and would be justifying every vice known to man. This from a place where it still believes it was wronged when several of their own were justifiably (many were Stalin sympathizers or Marxists. No one saw the irony in their persecutions as martyrs of freedom) blacklisted in the 1950s. Missing something? I definitely am. The more I dig and look at this objectively, the more I think I live in an inverted world.

Some chick or dicks want to have access to bathrooms. Let me explain. Gender neutral citizens are out to get their equal rights. Girls who look like boys but have cunts or vaginas or whatever want access to boys bathrooms because they don't feel like a girl. Now, the University is at the center of this idiotic protest, and is forced to reexamine it's bathroom policy. All because of how people feel in the head. Here's a simple test - have everyone pull down their pants and then determine where they belong. If not, then I want to be black. Who is going to stop me? Afterall, I listen to soul legends.

In the words of one fine animated actor, "Idgets".