This Chick Is Alright

I've fallen in love with Michelle Jean. I've chosen to break the news to all my friends and family on my blog. It's just that there's something about a lady who's willing to gut seal and drink its blood Inuit style. She's my Seal Hunt Girl.

Following her ritualistic blood bash, many people felt she shouldn't have done it. That it's in, erm, poor taste. Not me, man. It's the first time I actually feel like someone in Canada in a political position is cool. Blasting her for taking part in an ancient Inuit custom is full of seal blubber.

Despite the attacks, the Governor-General has stuck to her gutting knife and in the process gave all MPs a lesson in leadership. I hope she doesn't go out and ruins it by apologizing.

Talk about giving the GG role some panache.

Seriously, get her a cape, Wonder Woman's laso, anything. She should run for Prime Minster. Even better, she should start her own party.

I'm not here to debate about the seal hunt. What I'm interested in is her guts. We're that desperate. The Liberals are a bunch of leaderless squawking faux progressives, the Conservatives have been Loreena Bobbitted, the NDP are power hungry tinpot socialist with a soft spot for coup d'etats (they should move their headquarters to Central America) and the Bloc, well, they see no contradictions in working for a federal pension while without any shame or pride simultaneously advocate for the destruction of Canada.

What about the EU? Screw them. They're so hypocritical on this issue it's not even worth entertaining their squishy, squashy views.* They should tend to their own problems. I hear in the UK fat kids can be taken away from their families for being over weight. PETA? Screw them too. They want to boycott our maple syrup. I say we give all a collective middle finger.

Forgive me if I find hope in a foxy lady representing the Queen who swallows organs. I think people will understand my leaving for Ottawa in search of my love.

* From Liberation BC: Actually, most of the seal goes to waste. The fur is sold to high-end retailers like Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, and Prada. Some of the penises are sold as aphrodisiacs in Asia, and the oil is sold as a health supplement. The blubber is sometimes collected, but a 2006 study by Memorial University discovered that 80% of it is simply discarded. Meanwhile, the meat of the seal rots on the ice, as it is generally considered inedible and unfit for human consumption. On its website, the Canadian government admits that "finding a market for seal meat outside of Newfoundland continues to present a major challenge for the sealing industry."