Max: Unemployed and Annoyed

Every time I go to a comedy show it seems every comedian regardless of their act has to have an 'Italian' segment. Once upon a time it was cool I guess when black, Irish and Jewish comedians did it when it was still relevant. Now it seems like everyone is on the act. Cripes, Greeks and Lebanese acts are getting cheap laughs off the backs of the dago and wop. As far as I'm concerned, the following nationalities or ethnic tribes should be banned from doing so: Pashtun, Albanian, Berber, Arab, Georgian, Andorran, Ovimbundu, Mestizo, Azerbaijani, Armenian, Belarusian, Creole, Mayan, Bariba, Nepalese, Aymara, Serb, Croat, Shona, Turkish, Bulgarian, Malay, Mande, Tutsi, Hutu, Vietnamese, Khmer, Russian, Fulani, Luba, Teke, Moravian, Estonian, Fijian, Punu, Fang, Wolof, Akan, Susu, Pepel, Haitian, Icelandic, Bengali, Javanese, Persian, Kurd, Rastafarian, Kazak, Kamba, Lao-Tai,Latvian, Palestinian, Zulu, Lithuanian, Macedonia, Maravi, Trukese, Moldovan, Tsonga, Burman, Ovambo, Igbo, Hausa, Tagalog, Saudi, Babylonian, Assyrian, Vandal, Carthaginian, Vandal, Lombard, Avar, Angle, Jute, Mongol, Viking, Yemeni, Limba, Spanish, Galician, Catalan, Dinka, Tajik, Uzbek, Polynesian, Iranian, Algerian, Belgian, Bolivian, Brazilian, Chilean, Costa Rican,Cuban, Egyptian, Moroccan, Pakistani, Indian, Philipino, Peruvian and Romanian. If you fall under any of these tribes and are thinking of becoming a comedian with an Italian bit in your act you are banned.

My friend Massimo came by today. He's one successful individual. He's got a beautiful family and a sweet car. He has it all- integrity, sense of humour, good looks and luck. He was also a pro tennis player. Mind you, I represented my country for soccer. I think I have strong morals and dignity too. My sense of humour is off the charts and, well, I have been known to make the ladies swoon too! Anyway, Mass and I were talking about an episode during our University days when we tried and balanced getting an undergraduate degree with partying with chicks from remote and exotic parts of the city. Mass and I are from the suburbs and we tend to be a little too grounded which prevented (saved?) us from doing anything way too stupid or excessive. We blended well with any group from punks to ballerinas. Hamas could have had an association and we would have been able to fraternize with the bastards like chameleons.

University was a bit of a piss shit experience at times. First, it's much to easy to earn a degree in Canada. I went through school with one lousy binder and came out with a B+ or something. The diploma is piece of rag. Like our passport. Second, half of the school was filled with go-getting assholes and the other with people who have no business being there. Every floor, on my campus, was a ghetto protected and preserved by mercernaries and private militia armies. The Arabs, Greeks, Palestinians, Israeli's etc. All wasting their stupid time spending precious human energy on tribal ethnic nationalism. Heck, the Arabs have it down to a science as they manage to censor and prevent guest speakers they don't like from coming by, surprise, using criminal acts of viloence. Apparently, being a victm gives them the UN right to act like animals.

Anyway, they tell me that University is a place where great minds come to exercise their thoughts in a free intellectual environment. With a disclaimer - you have to be politcally correct. If you are not anti-American, pro-gay marriage and abortion and anti-Israeli you ain't good enough. Ever hear of the adage don't judge a book by its cover? Yeah well, apparently not in University. How many times did people, gays included, judge me because I dressed and looked a certain way. One gay guy couldn't believe I scored higher than he did on a consistent basis "You, got an A+?! With the hardest professor in the province?!" Shock!

Massimo recalled a time when we went to a party on Clark St. in the Mile-End district of Montreal. The buildings were old and dorty. The apartment was a 4 1/2 but it was like a 2 1/2 . t was so small people went up on the roof. Oh lord the freaks that were in there. But we were there to meet some gals we met in class. While we waited around we stuck out like a couple of Nazis in Israel. This was a 1968 time warp. One guy brought his guitar and began playing as everyone listened to typical anti-establishment songs in Spanish dialect. It was all so lame. I wanted to yell "oh will you idiots go find yourself some real jobs and dress properly?!" I'm no fan of jeans, torn clothes and tatooes in class. Call me a tight ass. I call it being serious when needing to be.I wonder what ever happened to those losers. They're probably CEO's today.

I have to go stare at myself in the mirror.

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