Dumb Questions

During the campaign trail it's not uncommon to hear, in a thick accent, the following question along the lines of:

Read in a Moldovan, Hispanic, Welsh accent:

"I'm a political science student and I'm worried about my job prospects. What will (or can) you do to get me a job?"

It's a fucking lame ass question.

And it deserves a meek, incoherent response - which it usually does.

Moderator: Mr. President you won the coin toss, so you go first. Each candidate will have 1 minute to respond. By that, I mean 3 minutes for the President and 45 seconds for the governor.

President: Thank you, it pays to sleep with the moderator...so to speak. Heh. Congratulations on being a student. Students are our precious, if not increasingly over rated, precious commodity. Rising cost of tuition is straddling students with crushing debt. My plan will include bringing costs down. It's not right that you have to pay such high tuition while the grandma and her binders are parading around the country making money off Big Bird. OK?  Good. Make the rich guy next to you pay. Go ahead. Take him out for coffee and ask him why he doesn't love you or your girlfriend.

Now here's what I'm going to do, if elected President, I'm going to invest in more, not less, green energy. Sure it's been a miserable failure, but it's not money if you don't see it, right? Besides, the electric car is too important an issue to ignore. If I do this, you can get a job on an assembly line. You can talk von Clausewitz with Bubba on the line. You have to do your part in educating the working class. We're all in this together. Maybe you can take your fancy degree and figure out how we're going to power Mack trucks with a battery.

Another thing we'll do is invest in infrastructure. This is the key to any economy. We need to stimulate the economy. Getting people back to work building bridges and repairing roads is the only way to get the large mass of uselessness back to work. Why not? Lance Armstrong won all those bike trophies stimulating himself, am I right? Stimulus works the same way. A nice hard shot of steroids. It's good in the short-term but weakens your muscles in the long run. But I ain'ts gonna be here in the long-run and by that time I can make up any excuse for or against any of my short-term policies.

All this to say, once you come out, there will be construction jobs for you. If not, there's always work at McDonald's. For now. There may not be if Mayor Bloomberg and New England liberal nanny-staters have their way. Before you know it, burgers will be tofu served on a Kamut bun. Mustard will be banned soon enough.

If that's not enough, my secret kill list is expanding. We can always use some bodies operating those fantastic drones. It's better than Playstation.

What are you studying, Koefilla is your name? Am I pronouncing it right?

Student: No you're not. It's Todd. And I'm studying Comparative Women's feminist-democratic doctrine in the Amazon.

Governor: Can I interject?

Moderator: Ha, ha.

President: Stop politicizing this. See? That's what Republicans do. They interject, hurl strawman, rough up, eat babies, steal Halloween candy, and lie, lie, lie.

Govenor: We do not!

Moderator: He's right. You do. Proceed, Barry...erm, Mr. President.

Presdient: I think I'm done.

Moderator: Great, moving along...

Governor: I didn't get a chance to answer young Timmy.

Student: Todd.

President: Shut your face, kid. (looks to governor) That's because you don't care.

Moderator: On to the plight of the African Bee...