I Have A Hole In My Head (Sorta)

The Commentator has had a perforated eardrum since he was 14 years old. Commentator had a cold on the day we were to fly to Florida for our vacation. Commentator's parents took him to the Doctor who suggested I drive instead of fly. But it was too last minute and we flew anyway. On the flight, Commentator went through the most pain he ever endured. It was a slow, excruciating experience as the congestion combined with the air pressure pierced through the ear. People looked at Commentator like he was mental. They didn't know a hole was being created in my head.

Commentator had minor surgery to fix it but the graft did not stick. Doctor told Commentator surgery had 80% success rate. Typically, Commentator is in the minority and has had to live with a hole in his ear ever since. Commentator was a strong swimmer but no longer swims as well as he can since he can't get water in it to avoid infection. Commentator has decreaed hearing as a result. But Commentator doesn't want to go through that whole process again including the audiology.

Lately, Commentator's ear has been experiencing intermittent discomfort and a sort of trembling in his inner ear. Commentator is very annoyed.

***

The last time I went for an audiology the bitch who was conducting it told me off for having bad hearing in my right ear. She went off about how I listen to loud music and some stuff. She was rude and quite frankly I wanted a muffin out of it.

Audiologist: Ok, Commentator you idiot, I will say a word in either of your ears and all you have to do is repeat them. A monkey with a lobotomy can do this. Ready?
*Commentator gives thumb up*
Audiologist: Cat
Commentator: Cat
Audiologist: Communism
Commentator: Bull shit
Audiologist: Dog
Commentator: Castro
Audiologist: Ok, that's enough. Lion.
Commentator: Lion.
Audiologist: Vase
Commentator (bored): Vase
Audiologist (lowering decibel level): Suit
Commentator: Sue
Audiologist (lowering some more): Car
Commentator: Bar
Commentator (Looks to wife): This is a cinch. Winks.
Audiologist to colleague: Get this guy a hearing aid. He's no polar bear that's for sure.
Audiologist (continues): Interview
Commentator (guessing): Horse?
Audiologist: House
Commentator (no response)
Audiologist: House
Commentator hears faint muffle sound: Tyranny?
Audiologist: Ok, you're going to hear the constant sound. Press the button when you no longer hear it.
Commentator (five seconds later hits button).
Audiologist: O....k. We're done.
Commentator: How'd I do?
Audiologist: Yeah, um. Not good.
Commentator: Huh?
Audiologist speaks without voice
Commentator: I can't hear you.
Audiologist: I'm just kidding but that's where you're heading.
Commentator: What can I do to prevent it?
Audiologist: Not sure. My shift is over.
Commentator: Your shit?
Audiologist: I'll let your doctor handle this.