I had to borrow my brother in-laws machete. He's one of these mavens that seems to have every tool somewhere. One of those guys that has a specific drill for every specific task.
I called to ask him if he had a small axe to chop up an apple tree that went ahead and fucking died on me. Piece of shit tree. No one dies on me! My neighbor is probably happy seeing he was not that crazy about me having an apple tree in the first place. No one can ever leave me the fuck alone. I really didn't care. I wanted my Lobo apples.
Alas, it was not to be.
My saw was going to do the job so...axe it was. But he offered a machete. The weapon of choice for Africans everywhere.
At least from what I see on the news.
Tell you what, nothing says 'I'm a dangerous mofuh' than a machete. I was even thinking of carrying it with me in the grocery store.
"Are you thinking of taking the last mini-carriage, ma'am?
"Erm, no, you can have it...sir."
"Damn straight, I can have it."
"I would like a piece of steak. No need to cut it. I got my blade!"
Anyway.
I'd better be careful. Wouldn't want to freak out some asshole who'd just as soon call for its ban for its fearsome awesomeness and sheer terrifying potential for mass destruction and death. Next thing, we have to hold permits for it.
It's all about preventing self-injury you know.
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