Autism: A Little Compassion Is Not A Bad Thing

This is a tough call. Everyone from all sides have a point. However, I fear people are looking at things a little narrowly. Where's the compassion?

No doubt people have the right to a quiet meal. However, we do live in a society and society is not perfect. The restaurant has to weigh its options carefully but in the end it has to think of its bottom line. Someone has to give.

It's clear that people have little knowledge and in some cases don't want to know about autism. Let me tell you, it's not easy for these families raising children stricken with the disorder. I'm been exposed to it quite a bit. Furthermore, families are encouraged by the medical and education communities to integrate autistic kids into society. But it's tough when society itself is not prepared to accept them.

It's a catch-22 all-around.

Canada lags the United States, United Kingdom and France when it comes to autism research and servicing families with autism. The population at large simply has not been educated on the subject. Too often they interpret and conclude a child's bad behavior to be a "brat." They have no clue what families go through . Indeed families often have no support. Be it at the government or social level.

I especially like this response. I completely understand. My sister faced this with her son who had Tourette Syndrome. A few years back, one man threatened my nephew (who was six tears-old) at a party where everyone knew each other:

Esther page 7 on CBC comments:

"I am the mother of a 15 year old autistic child. My son is very low functioning. In fact he is now in residential care due to the severity of his condition.

I have always been cautious as to where we would go out and try to be considerate of others. But the bottom line is in order to teach a child how to behave in public you actually have to go out in public. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes not as great as it was planned - a concept I think most parents would understand. I will tell you how restaurant responds can make a huge difference. Instead of asking a child to leave - a few crackers, a few fries, a piece of bread - can help settle a child. If my son was too loud (sometimes when he is happy he hums) we would go for a walk and return when food is ready.

I have had people give us dirty looks even when we walk down the street and my son makes an odd sound. Most people have a heart and understand when I explain my sons disability. But I will tell you there are some very cruel people in the world who can nearly destroy you with unkind words. I was at a busy mall in Tampa near Christmas last year. My son wobbles sometimes when he walks and will reach out to who ever is nearby to stabilize himself. He "almost" grabbed a teenage girl walking by - no physical contact at all. I said " remember we don't grab people we don't know" The teenage boy with her over heard my words and said that he would beat my son if he touched her. I called out to the girl and told her my son was disabled. I don't know if she heard me. I went home in tears. I emailed all my friends and asked them to do one random act of kindness over the Christmas season as a gift to Isaac.

The most painful thing I have had to do in my life is come to the realization that my child will not likely ever get better. I've tried to get on with my life and be the wife, mom, nurse, student and friend I can be. But under the surface the pain still sits. When I hear about stories like this my heart breaks for the parents. I'm glad Smitty's seems to have done the right thing in the end.

As to the other patron who was refusing to pay - you need to get some compassion! autism affects 1 out of 150 children - If you don't know an autistic child now - you will someday. And it's not just autism, I have heard of people complaining because a child with cerebral palsy was drooling in a restaurant and likewise with an adult with a neurological disorder.
The world needs more love.

Another on the same page weighs in with:

"As a parent with a child with autism I feel compelled to address these comments because discrimination cannot be encouraged.

Most of the comments here show no understanding of what autism is.

Autism is a neurological disorder which affects many aspects of a person's life. Autism is an "invisible" disability, meaning you cannot look at a person and tell that they are disabled.

Did you know that many autistic children cannot talk?

Did you know that most autistic children have more than one medical problem?

Did you know that in teaching children with autism it can take 100 times or more to teach a concept? Sometimes is goes faster, sometimes not.

Acting out is NOT about behaviour. It is about communication.

Parents of children with autism have to prepare a great deal more than other parents for a simple outing (prepare a picture schedule, bring activities, etc), but even with practice and preparation things go wrong, such as a menu change.

It takes a lot of courage for us to bring our children out and face the abuse people are so willing to heap on us when things go wrong. If you think it is hard spending 10 min during a difficult time, try 24/7.

The attitudes reflected in some of these comments reflect intolerance and ignorance. As well, most of the suggestions listed here DO NOT work. For example, taking a misbehaving child out teaches them that if they want to leave, misbehave.

I would actively suggest that people spend time learning about what autism really means. Go beyond a buzzword. Meanwhile, I will continue to take my son out. Some days you won't know I am there. Some days you will. But my son has a RIGHT to be out there and the only way he will have a chance at it is if we practice.

Lastly, I suggest that, if people without disabilities believe it is so easy for children with autism to change, why don't they start first by learning tolerance."