ARE YOU READY FOR.........Nemrits?

I'm not sure if you are.

I mean, I really doubt the world is ready for NEMRITS.

I really do.

Really.

You people are too stupid to understand their plight; to comprehend their intoxicating power.

And what the heck is a Nemrit anyway?

When I met my first Nemrit I was going through a rough and tough time. My wife was a slut, condoms I did not buy kept showing up in my bed, bathroom and garage, my kids constantly laughed at me, my co-workers never took me seriously, my spatula kept snapping, every peach I bought was hard on the outside but soft on the inside and the dating service I subscribed to turned me down for being "too incompatible" with women.

It was on the steps of a recently burned down Church where I bumped into a Nemrit. It just stood there quietly while observing me. I got the sense it was examining my DNA. I felt like the little repulsive but inviting creature was getting inside my bones. Then it uttered its first word (more like an utterance) to me. A thunderous "Burp!" ripped through me and toward the sky on its way to the Lord.

I was reduced to burning tears. I knelt to the ground screaming and shouting incomprehensible Biblical babblings. Then it came upon me and put its warped arm on my dislocated shoulder.

And then it spoke.

"You're really fucked up, you know that?"

It then laughed and scurried away.

My life was never the same after that. I think my shoulder is cured, too.