Climate In Permanent Change Mode

INT. DAY. Decadent boardroom decked with opulent ornaments including statues of Gaia. Assortment of doomsday cultists, environmentalists, Marxists, communists, scientists and politicians alike discuss weather and climate. Mark stands up, carefully tings his glass of Spumante to get everyone's attention.

Mark: Ahem, attention everyone. I'd just like to say the climate is the single most important issue that faces our species today. We must act now to stop it! It makes no difference if it's cooling or warming. What matters is we control the pattern of climate to save us from nature; from ourselves!

Shouts of 'hear hear!'

Lone dissenting voice: But what if we're wrong? What if all this energy spent is based on false and faulty premises?

Mark (yawns): Shoot him.

Shots fired. Body whisked away. Some of the people gathered are shocked.

Mark: As I was saying. We will crush anyone who denies our enlightened project.

Man: But dear Mark! What are we to do? Surely time is against us!

Mark: Time is always against man. We will find ways to curb time as well. Time change is next. Oh, yes. Mark (ha, ha) my words!

Murmurs of 'time change?' whistles through the boardroom.

Mark: Look. It's simple fellas. Do you want to control people or not?

Shouts of 'yes we do'! 

Mark: Then shut the fuck up because I can make it happen! Yes we can!

Chants of 'Forward' grow louder and louder as Mark looks on approvingly. Tables begin to shake. People faint from the fanaticism. Glasses break. Chairs fall over. 'Forward! 

He leaves for another room.

Mark (face palm): God these people are idiots.

Calls assistant over.

Mark: Make sure you cut up their vegetables in small circles with not sharp corners so as to avoid chocking and for the love of God squish the avocado to a paste! 

Assistant: Anything else?

Mark: Yeah. Bring some helmets. Some of these people really look like they can hurt themselves.


Britain faces FREEZING winters as slump in solar activity threatens 'little Ice Age'


Snowfalls are now just a thing of the past

 But.... (on the other hand)

 Solar energy is absolutely a viable source of reliable energy for Britain! 



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