Stand, Count And Account For Your Actions

When we were kids, we broke a neighbour's window while playing street hockey. After the shock, my friend who took the errant slap shot stood up straight and said in French, "well, I'll go ring the door bell."

There were only three of us and we decided to go to the door as a group.

It was a showcase in personal accountability. The old man was a nice guy and simply said "that's okay. Thanks for letting me know." I don't remember what happened afterwards whether my friend paid for it (I seem to recall his father going over) but it wouldn't surprised me it was worked out properly between "voisins."

Fast forward to now with a contrasting story.

We had dear close friends of ours over for dinner a month ago. Long story short, their eldest son ended up busing up one of our little lawn chairs my daughter uses and snapping of an ornament on a decorative bird feeder. A couple of weeks before that he had, for inexplicable reasons, smashed up a bag of my kid's candy. My daughter was present for each of these unsure of what to do.

When all the dust was settled I was profoundly disappointed that the parents did not come forward and offer a monetary resolution to make me "whole." I feel as though the child did not learn a lesson because he did no apologize to me. I heard the mother, a teacher no less who is always talking about other people not doing the right thing, tell the boy he was going to pay for it (which he scoffed at) but that was the last I heard of that. If anything, while the mother's got to the bottom of the story, I get the feeling was indirectly angling to try and implicate my daughter in some way. One of those "yeah, but she encouraged him" type of things - which is nonsense. She chose that bird feeder and the idea of her laying a seed of destruction is unlikely.

The bottom line is the final, non-coerced act was committed by him. I had noticed he was a little hyper that night but thought nothing of it. It wasn't until the next day my told me about the chair and that we both found out about the ornament.

As we speak, no one has spoken to me. Not even the father like my friend's dad had done three decades before. It's not about the money. Rather the acknowledgement. Had they come to me and said, "Hey, T.C. sorry, man. Kids, you know. Here's $30 for your troubles" I would have been satisfied. I probably wouldn't taken the money. I was looking for a lesson to be taught.

All the basic tenets of responsible behavior and accountability we're taught by parents, teachers, television and even fucking comic books seem to have been ignored here.

Naturally, it puts my wife in a bind because I told her he can't come around here anymore. If they won't pay for a little thing like a chair, what happens if he breaks something of greater value?

To her credit, she understands and was also surprised not more was forthcoming. However, she cautions that they're properly raised boys. I agree, they're good kids. It's just in this instance he got a little excited and busted private property and was not held to account is all I'm saying.

Today, parents seem to think protecting their kids under any circumstances is proper parenting.

I don't see how that helps anyone.