The Taliban Will Win The War

Is there anything worse than a Quebec separatist working for the federal government of Canada?

A buddy was telling me a story about how a Quebec nationalist his cousin is dating was blathering on about "oppression" and how Quebec is constantly screwed by Canada. And so like a person abused all their life, Quebec turns around and takes it on the Cree and Newfoundland.

What got my friend really upset was how this person actually said Quebec is "honorable" and would never act inappropriately. We, of course, had a nice chuckle over that comment. Finally, he asked him what he did for a living in an effort to steer the conversation away from politics. With a straight face, "In Ottawa for the federal government."

Then these boobs wonder why A) we roll our eyes when they speak and B) why we promptly ignore them. The story has become stale.

***

We also got to talking about how spoiled Westerners have become. As he texted someone, I teased him saying, "You too?" "Man, this shit is great. That's why the Taliban will win the war." "

Come again?" I said. "We're so spoiled. Worse, we've become a bunch of pussies too afraid to fight a bunch of terrorists."

He pauses and continues. "You think we have it bad? We complain about taxes, dumbass separatists, loser hockey teams, support millionaire athletes that sometimes roll over and play like lazy sob's (hello, Orlando Magic!) meanwhile when we plump down on our couches and turn on the TV we see a family in Chemofastan or Itsurlastan carrying their entire possessions in two suit cases avoiding enemy fire and landmines in search of safety and freedom somewhere. Us? We laugh at freedom. We mock it with all this bull shit. Look at the Arizona law. People are freaking out. Those fuckers have a border more loose than Industrial's * vagina. And what's worse, no one seems to mind they're paying for a bunch of people who entered their country illegally! Americans make me laugh sometimes. Worse, they're fucking taking slack from Mexicans? Fuck me. End of an empire for real."

"Slow down there, pal. I have to go buy some ketchup," I interject. "See? Ketchup. We're worried about ketchup!"

"You bet," I replied. "My kid loves ketchup. It goes great with filet of sole and sauteed onions."

Umoved my friend continued. "Ever talk to a person from the former Soviet Empire and how they view America and to a lesser extent Canada?"

"Yeah, sobering."

"They have it on straight because they know what real tyranny and oppression is. Same with Iraqi's and other people escaping batshit countries. It's not even an ideological thing. It's just common sense. Castro is a dick. Not a hero. If you like that kind of governance then admit it and have the balls to go there. Don't wax poetic about it from afar. It's like my cousin's idiot nationalist boyfriend."

He lights a cigarette. I move in and quip, "You realize there's a war against that shit, right?" "Let them come after me. They're good at fighting bull shit things. Am I right?"

"It's all Red Dawn, my friend. It'll be up to a bunch of high school kids to defend us one day because everyone else has rolled over and taken a meat thermometer up their asses."

With that my friend concluded, "That's why the taliban will win the war."

* Industrial is the nickname we gave a French-Canadian girl known for her, erm, sexual appetite.