Liberal or Conservative? Or Liberconselibertutiltarian?

The question asked in the title has managed to make me febrile for the last 20 minutes. Will people look at me funny on the streets if I choose either one? If I say I'm int the middle does that make me indecisive or progressive? What I am going to say to people at a cocktail party? Did I just say cock? Insert Bat-Man dance here.

With my money I am conservative. But some days, weeks or months I am liberal. I alternate. I like to save my money but I also don't mind taking chances in the stock markets.

When cooking recipes call for a "liberal sprinkling of pepper" and I follow does that make me a bleeding heart? If I don't, does that make me a dissident? What if I like a conservative amount of freshly ground pepper?

As a son of a tailor, an Italian tailor at that, I am partial to fine fabrics and attire. I once read a fashion expert explain you are what you wear. Apparently and according to this silky, suave designer a person who wears conservative clothing is actually liberal and adventurous - and vice-versa.

If I'm conservative would I like orgies?

When I was younger I saw myself as a pragmatic and well-adjusted individual not given to hyperbole and took pride in making the right decisions. You know, conservative. I was realistic with an artistic streak- which allowed me to enjoy life - and women.

As a vocation however, I suppressed the artist in me. The bitch never suffocated.

Now, I find myself going artistic with a pragmatic streak. That makes me a hybrid. Yet, I hate hybrid cars and bicycles. I own a racing bike and a mountain bike. Hybrids are like a recess peanut butter cup. Yeah, chocolate and peanut butter are delicious together but I'd rather select each on their own. I can tailor the choice. For example, pure 85% chocolate and sugarless organic peanut butter. The cost is substantially higher but that's free will I suppose.

Some people spend their lives wondering if they are gay or not. Me? I wonder where I fit on the political spectrum and then act aloof to mask my inability to come to any conclusions.

For once, just once I want to be able to proudly and firmly affirm in public that I am, ahem, an anarcho-libertarian-utilitarian - ALU! Whatever that is. But it would make me look smart in front of people who didn't know any better.

In any event and in the end, does it really matter?