2011-01-10

Save The Tempo

I agree with Nikk at Skeptical Eye that there are many, insipid, impractical, wasteful, idiotic and costly laws on the books. I don't think there's much doubt about that.

Municipal laws in particular can get rather inane as well.

Enter tempos.

What's a tempo?

That's a tempo.

Growing up, there was no need for a tempo since my parents had a two car garage plus a drive way that could fit as many as five cars. In addition, we had a snow crew come clean.

When we bought the current house we live in the previous owner owned a cantine company and left behind an industrial tempo. My wife for her part grew up with tempos as part of the landscape and loved it right away.

A couple of reasons why we put ours up. One, it's damn practical. Our driveway is on a slope and keeping snow out all winter is helpful. I own a snow blower (which I never used) but here's the rub: My wife leaves at 6am in the morning and we had no interest in getting up at 5am to waste time shovelling snow with all that's on our plate these days. So we hired a guy to help keep things neat and put up a tempo. It's win-win and our decision to make. Not anyone else.

There are all kinds of reasons why to put up a tempo. If you have a car port, or a small drive way or are elderly, or have kids you shlepp around you just want snow kept out.

Alas, not everyone sees it this way. The West Island, for silly reasons, has banned it outright and there are some who in fact want a city wide ban. I live off island and so far no calls for any ban.

Why I hate the ban:

For starters, can't stand the word 'ban' more than the word 'can't.'

It's none of anyone's business what someone does on their own property.

The only two excuses I ever heard (and both are so churlish and tyrannical I'm not sure I can even debate it) for the ban. One, people assume it's because people who put up tempos are lazy. Well, if they'd take their asses out of the heads for a second they'd consider two things: Many of these people who do it are working class or self-employed people. They're far from lazy. Secondly, have they ever put up a tempo? A pro can do it in a couple of hours or so but the novice in about two or three hours; it's not for the lazy. In fact, people who own tempos still have to shovel other parts of their house. So if you take this position you're an idiot.

Sorry but you are.

The other thing they say is just hire a snow removal company. Ok, where to begin? Not everyone can afford that. Moreover, think of the economic ramifications as you'd only hurt those companies who rent or sell tempos. Do we yet once more want to put unnecessary strain on the economy by putting people out of business? If they're in business and doing well, and here's the damn kicker, that means people - come on now - want it! Same goes for people who earn a little money building and dismantling tempos. Let's take money away from them while we're at it. Let's give them another reason to go on welfare.

I betcha the same public officials and citizens who want to ban them are also people are who want a green Montreal. Right. So let's get the fuel-driven snow blowers going. Gotcha. The head spins I tell ya.

No problem though. The solution would either be to tax something to "discourage" usage or ban snowblowers. That's the answer for any draconian boobster.

The other equally less plausible reason is that aesthetically they're ugly. Yeah, maybe they are but hey, I find the little black statue of a Mexican in a sombrero and red bermudas watering people's lawns (which usually looks like they're pissing in public) alongside his trusted plastic donkey sporting a "hey gringo" grin tacky. What about those friggin' gnomes? Do I run to local officials asking for a ban? There are plenty of things that are a blithe to our eyes on a city landscape - beauty and ugliness are in the eye of the beholder - but are we gonna ban all of them?

How about the Big O? What about the disgusting state of the Trans-Canada-40 highway? Shit, rip up Pie-Ix boulevard altoghether it's so fucking ugly. Same with St. Michel boulevard. Our urban planning as a whole looks like it was designed by Captain Uglino. To say nothing of the unacceptable and embarrassing state of architecture as a whole. Or you can be like the municipality where my day care is in and just plain deny the usage of better quality materials without proper authorization - one month later...if you're lucky.

The whole system is out of order and whack and they're gonna tell me tempos that are a helpful and practical tool for thousands are "ugly?"

Get the fuck out of here.

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