Coaching kids, teaching parents

A few years ago I coached soccer for a summer. The local soccer association I joined started me in House League - where winning doesn't matter. It was the bottom of the pile.

I consider myself to be a healthy balance between being competitive and understanding the overall concept of gamesmanship. It was at first difficult to train and practice without the intent of winning. It's all I knew. That didn’t mean I couldn’t teach the kids the merits of competitive spirit.

No sooner did I hit the park, equipped with a set of balls, parents came up to me and asked if I could teach their kids the basics of the sport. They didn't want their kids to be short changed - again. Indeed, if these kids were to learn to play with heart and pride they deserved to at least be taught the basics of the game. Many had no clue what soccer was all about. I was determined to accept the challenge and change that.

It didn’t take long before I realized I had inherited Bad News Bears. In time, they began to have fun learning the fundamental skills that make soccer a beautiful game. I discovered that some of my players could outright play and others were willing to practice to improve their skills. Still, others were oblivious to the point of sheer hilarity. One kid was more interested with the ragweed on the ground than playing defence.

As it turned out, we did not have a great season but many parents thanked me. It seemed their kids had fun playing soccer again.

The season wasn't perfect. I did encounter what has become all too familiar with parents in contemporary times - the species of the aggressive parent. We all know the type. The one that complains about their kid not getting enough playing time or spews expletive name-calling words to children from the sidelines. The jerk that never played organized sports and has no clue what it means to play team sports. Some of these parents were and are downright ugly in their behaviour.

They existed when I played and they littered the stands while I coaches. Nice legacy to leave behind, eh?

One day during practice a parent stood behind his child and told him to speak with me. The kid had his head down - almost in shame - and proceeded to tell me that a couple of parents had been harassing him during the games for not being a "good" defensive player. I was stunned. This was house league!

I've always played soccer at a high level and never did encounter this sort of stuff. It was new to me.

Here was a kid that was not a star athlete and he was feeling the sting of over bearing and thoughtless parents. He was crying. I was livid. I gathered all the parents and scolded them to the best of my professional abilities - as best a 23 year old kid living at home with no kids of his own could do. I also banned parents from going behind the nets during a match. I reprimanded those who logged playing time. My mandate was to play everyone and teach them the skills of the game.

I was, in other words, instructing them on how to live with civility.

I played that kid the next game. I encouraged him. He wasn't any good but that wasn't the point. In fact, I saw an improvement in the game of many of my players.

During the trophy presentation at end of the season, some of the parents found out I wasn't coming back and expressed disappointed. As one parent told me in French, "My kid learned so much from you. He actually loved coming to practice."

My intent was to eventually work my way up to inter-city play. Seeing that kid cry under the pressure of mean spirited parents changed my mind. I wasn't interested in being a part of it.

The essence of sports has been lost on some parents. They have forgotten their moral responsibility to teach their kids life skills through sports. They are intoxicated by the notion of making the "big leagues." Worse, they are governed by the notion of Darwinian survival of the fittest for its own sake.

Some indeed live vicariously through their children. They are so smothered by the intensity of their myopic goals that it has sometimes proven fatal for coaches and referees.

Moreover, their thoughtless actions can leave an everlasting impression on a child. They may be in the minority but these parents have no place in the culture of sports.

Many times, the kids are the ones assuming the role of adults. I've seen it. Too bad parents, in their personal delusions, fail to listen.