Speech on the Hill

Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister of Canada,

A cough in the audience. Some clapping. A monkey on a bike passes by. PM laughs.

"I hope that's not my ride."

Cough.

"These are trying times for Canada. With no professional hockey, this country is fast losing things to do. With the Americans busy around the world it can't always be fun and games for we Canadians. We have to pull together, stand up and speak as one strong proud voice."

"Parle Francais!" One Member of Parliament shouts.

"You see. It is this kind of humour and tolerance that makes this the greatest damn country in the world."

Cheers.

"This country has a right to speak. We will continue to do so. No matter how righteous and pointless dammit you can bet I will force those Yanks to listen to our demands. It's the Canadian way to be firm."

Waits for claps. Press Secretary tells PM to lash out and increase anti-American rhetoric to liven the atmosphere and crowd.

"Those bastard invaders are not going to tell Canada what to do. The Battle of 1810 was a lesson we should never forget."

Standing Ovation.

"We Canadians have values. We have compassion. Don't take it from me. Take it from this great Irish singer. Bono Box."

Bono: "Um, it's Vox Mr. Prime Minister. The world needs a little more of Canada. Thank you. Vote in your by-elections. It's important...in the name of love.....bye."

"The world can indeed use a little more Canada."

Questions come fast furious from the floor. Lights go out. Lights come back on. PM gone. Liberal thugs are released. This party is officially over.

Laugh track comes on. "I own you. Don't you forget it."

Giant fresco of Jean Chretien is displayed.