Current Affairs Comments: America, France, China, SARS, UN Permanent Seats,G7, Kyoto, Karla Homolka

-It's amazing. All I seem to read and hear these days is people criticizing America on a platitude of topics and issues. Just how strong is America's self-esteem? If America was a person he or she would have jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge a long,long time ago. No sane person would be able to withstand the constant and obsessive scrutiny.

Americans can't seem to do anything right for the pessimists, cynics and complainers alike. They are too dumb, fat, slow, ignorant, self-absorbed, obnoxious, loud, trigger happy, excited, short-sighted to be alive for people.

They apparently have an uncaring, sacreligious, Fascist/Nazi inspired racist society filled with right-wing nuts, NRA monsters, dying people without health insurance, rampant crime and self-serving sharks, greedy faceless Wall Street execs, low-IQ Presidents, toothless incestuous hillbilly mountain banjo-playing freaks and superficial consumer materialists.

And oh yes, their history is fictitious built on the backs of slaves and Injuns. Sheesh. I shutter to think about other countries and what their closet might look like. Makes you wonder more about the people who actually believe all this.

Yet, there is America - standing tall, free and strong. People swim through shark infested waters to get into this highly successful society. They may be imperfect (who isn't?) but God only knows how hard they try to make it all better. Some may think a little too hard.

- Black Jack 'The Chic Chick' Chirac, you know that Gaullic leader inserted his big fat crooked brie scented feet in his tannin filled mouth recently. He went off on England about how they apparently never contributed to European agriculture and how because of their diet they could not be trusted. French humour at its pinnacle.

First, a word from the Italians. Ignore the French. They have been making fun of the Italians for centuries only to adopt many Italian ideas that became hallmarks of French cuisine. Yes, the French are masters and artists but they can be a little assholic about it.

Personally, I prefer the diversified and unassuming brilliance of Italian cuisine. Next, London has usurped Paris as an eclectic European culinary town and finally it was the English who started the fricken agricultural revolution along with the industrial revolution.

The bottom line is that French agricultural subsidies and policies are not only antiquated but criminal. I remember years ago when the circus carni's from France met the Cirque du Soleil buffoons in Quebec. During a free press conference one of the French leaders snapped at a reporter for not being able to speak French. As he put it, and I loosely quote, 'You are not worth dealing with if you can't speak the language of sophistication.'

Yikes. I like France. I've been there and not all Frenchmen act in such borrish ways. It has a historical pedigree few countries can match. But man are they losing their minds. They're like a bunch of unionized tiny Napoleon dwarfs bitching and screaming all day long.

-Here's a surprise (insert dead-pan face here), China did a better job of dealing with the SARS outbreak than Canada. Billion body infested communist China outperformed G7 (Russia, please) advanced and democratic Canada. Great job guys. Let's throw more and more $ into the system. Who will beat us next and for which disease? I have said many times before, the negative chirping about the American health care system is greatly exaggerated and the positives of the Canadian one is, in turn, greatly exaggerated.

-When it rains...I had to read this one over and over it stunned me that much. Foreign Ministers of the Organization of the Islamic Conference called for the UN to give Muslims a permanent seat on the Security Council. This demand is not only breathtakingly shocking on the balls-o-meter, it's hilarious in its possibilities. Could you imagine the leaderless, fragmented Muslim world taking the world stage to showcase their inept and bankrupt behaviour? Mind you, they've done a pretty damn good job on their own. It's not like they come out with a humble 'look, we know we have to confront our own problems and that we need to take responsibility and accountability for own actions and yes it is true we need to thin out the Jews-as-rats rhetoric and need to offer stable institutions to our people but Allah dang it we need a real voice'. No, they come out with the 'we deserve it because we represent one-fifth of the world' line. Note to fortunate oil-drenched bearded guy - earn it.

-I was watching the news and saw clowns standing on park benches in Edinburgh, what else, protesting the G7 summit (Russia, please). Some pathetic outfit called the Revolutionary Youth Group of Thumb Sucking Lazy Bored Losers (or something like that) called for a 'global day of action against the G8 summit will be a children's revolution'. I saw this movie once. It was called 'Children of the Corn'. The clowns (clowns scare me) reminded me of the ultra-violent sickos on 'Clockwork Orange.'

-This Commentator is glad that slowly countries are beginning to question the Kyoto Accord. I just can't believe how people have no idea what this accord, if ratified, would have cost.

Russian scientists agree. Now excuse me for thinking this but shouldn't people actually stop and take notice when two of the greatest scientific nations in the 20th century - The United States and Russia - are in agreement? Australia, for its part and for the record, are also against it. If the basic tenets of the accord are flawed and self-serving, just who stands to gain from such a revolutionary attempt?

-Notorious and infamous killer Karla Homolka says the first thing she wants to do when she is released (she did 12 years for her part in the heinous rape and murder of two teenaged girls in Ontario. She cut a deal with prosecutors who needed her testimony to get Paul Bernardo for the crimes) I still remember that story like it was yesterday it was so gruesome) is go and get a Tim Horton's iced cappuccino. When did I injest a bottle of Nyquil and find myself in a vortexed world of utter surreality? The things I hear sometimes blows me away. I wonder if Tim Horton's will make a sappy 'proud to be Canadian commercial' with Homolka in them. "We at Tim Horton's agree with the charitable and humane Canadian justice system. Karla is a proud Canadian and so please join us by supporting her by buying little Maple Leafs with her face on them so you can proudly display them on your back-pacs when you travel'. I know, Horton's would never do this. Then again...nah.