A Colloguy

**Warning**Explicit Language**

There isn't any courtship and chivalry anymore and this bothered Barry. Those concepts have been completely weeded out in today's sexually saturated world. "Everything is freakily fucking upside down" asserts Barry rather sheepishly. "Date? Nah, the girl wants straight to anal. No time for one guy" while his buddy Strange Stu listened.

"A girl once told me 'I'm a cock a day girl'. Could you believe that shit?" Strange Stu just nods like a retard.

"These gals are all about the advertisement between the lines. Everywhere you go it's people selling themselves via skimpy skanky clothing and ugly over blown tattoos. Just the other day a BANK TELLER, one of the most conservative institutions around, had a tank top and a tattoo plastered on her lower back. I asked where the fucken pole was. Call me old-fashioned but it's just plain not classy."

He pauses and looks at a passing city bus filled with immigrants and continues. "Fuck, when did we start accepting those Jawas?" "What?" asks Strange Stu. "Mooslims. They're little dark suspicious eyes remind me of the Cantine bar in Star Wars." Stu answers "Around the mid-90s". "What the fuck do they want? Don't they hate us?" Barry asks.

Stu interjects "You know what I hate? I was on a blind date and the girl didn't know who Billie Holiday was. I can't have that shit."

Barry blurts "I never understood the tattoo behind the shoulder. What happens if you marry a dignitary and have to wear a backless gown at a classy affair? I guess the girls who do it figure they will never attend such an affair. Or worse, they think it's no big deal. Newsflash, it does. It changes the complete look. Pick up any magazine and it's one more shocking sexual revelation after another. No wonder some girls lives read like a 'BJ and the Bathroom' porn flick. They are conditioned to line-up the boys and well, you know."

"Barry's soliloquoy." Stu dead-pans. "Solilo-what?" Barry asks. Strange Stu looks off in the distance and answers "You know, a rant only Shakespearean?" "That fucking plagarist?" Barry asks. "Where did you read that?" Stu retorts. "I read it somewhere. Apparently he was more a businessman than writer. He probably ripped off some humanist wop or that unknown Christopher Marlowe." "Bope."

The traffic passes them by. Barry continues,"These days everyone has an opinionated opinion and gets paid for it. Why shouldn't we? We're making god dang sense, no?"

Stu gives Barry a gesture. "Look at that broad, er chick. What's the pc term for cunts these days?" Stu looking at the girl's legs "Don't know, but I would not mind being wrapped by those stunning sticks."

"Everyone is smarter than you today. More important. Today, girls think like guys. In fact, the guys want to 'get to know' the girl and it's the girl who scoffs it off. "Spend time? Kidding right? I got 3 guys in-line. Are you in or out? In fact, I may as well do all three at the same time. I can't fuck a girl with another cock touching mine. It's not right, Stu. Then, they want the door held for them. It's just not right, Stu. They want to be a whore and classy at the same time."

They notice a person holding a door for someone. Barry looks at Stu amazed "Did you see that? One guy decides to be civil and hold the door for a tide of people and not one 'thank you'? There's no civility anymore. Assholes."

"Maybe he didn't want a 'thank you'the gesture was enough."

"My ass, Stu. It's like when you come out of an elevator or a subway and the people push you back and don't give you a chance to get out. OUT BEFORE IN you untamed outback creatures. People keep busting my fucking balls."

Barry reasserts his rant about women, "Somewhere deep down they really think they are hip and cool. What, with role models like Madonna, J-Ho and the many mainstream porn stars it's no wonder. We live in times where morality is secondary. My morality is not yours."

"Nice flute there baby, now come here and let me stick it up your ass." Phrtt, phrtt." "You're one sick dude, Stu."

Barry sighs and takes a deep breath "Watching a porn one gets the feeling what's next? She just 'did' 12 guys and dp'd all of the them sticking it in every burrow available. I can just see the director "Ok, good job, Jessica. Get the cow! Hon, here's another stick of coke. Everyone's doing it. Get with the 21st century, bitch."

"Yeah, they all want to become school teachers after they're done. As if there are no consequences for their actions."

"You got it, Stu. Then they wonder why society shuns them. I dunno, maybe because you fucked cockeyed hairy black Asian dwarfs for a living? Now you want to teach phonics? Get the fuck outta here. Blow me."

They share a laugh and Barry furthers the discussion "Sex is stripped down to the bones, excuse the pun. I don't need pizza. Just straight to the ass. No money down. It's like buying a mortgage at low interest rates. But there are risks and consequences, not that they are taught this. Wait, wait when interest rates go up or the next sexual disease that ravages through. Then it will be a whole new live fucking aid world concert again. Give us money to save the horny nymphos! You are not accountable for your actions! It's the fault of the Church! You are just exercising your leisurely rights! Everything has to come fast and furious to meet our increasingly impossible objectives. There just isn't any time for the finer things anymore. A poem for a girl? Fuck that, I'll stick it in her ass."

"Weren't the Ancient Greeks and Romans horny partying animals?"

Coming out of the store was a lady of great beauty. "Hi, fellas." She turns and looks at Barry and winks.

"Well, hello there. Find what you were looking for?"

"Now I have."

A few more words and numeric values were exchanged and she escorted herself into her Hummer.

With a piece of paper in his hands, Barry watches the vehicle drive off and asks Stu, "Pick you up at 7?"

"Yeah, see you later."

The two go off silently into opposite directions into nowhere. Into a world different from theirs. They are mild anti-heroic misfits in a world of assfuckers.