Today I was lying on my bed watching my mother fold clothes. I was over at my folks place and was sleeping on my old bed when mumsy entered the room with the laundry. I just lay there. She told me to go home. I told her, in turn, only if she prepared me a care package which included pasta con piseli. The real way with lemmon and peas AND NO CREAM. And definitely no fricken milk at the table. What the fuck is that? None of this North Americanized criminal crap that passes as Italian food these days.
"...Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came..." Straightforward, simple and true. It cuts right to the core of how some people feel. I got up this morning yearning for such a place but I could not find one. The place I go to for a latte caffe harldy knows me. I'm not the most congenial of people but it would be nice for once for people to yell 'Norm!" to me. I have so much to share.
Why don't celebrities just buy an island and create their own republic? They are so busy pointing out how bad we are why don't they go set up their own government somehwere and let's see what these trailer trash narcissists come up with. NOW THAT WOULD BE ENTERTAINMENT. Here would be some of the forepersons involved: Sir Elton Prima Donna John, Mad-Donna, Danny 'Lethal Activist' Glover, Susan 'I'm too smart for the whole lot-of-ya' Sarandon, Martin 'I play a President on tv' Sheen, Rosie 'I'm not really that amusing' O'Donnell, Tim 'Foreign Policy Expert' Robbins, Jeanine 'I'm not so funny anymore wannabe intellectual' Garafalo, Ben 'I don't vote but you should' Affleck, Barbara 'You don't dare bring me flowers' Streisand, Leonardo 'Vote Kerry?' DiCaprio and the supreme dictator Jane 'Talleyrand' Fonda. Not quite Madison, Franklin and Jefferson but hey. You gotta start somewhere. I would love to see what system they choose. I could add some intellectuals and journalists to the list but I figure this bunch would degenerate into civil war within days.
Other than that I went skating and slapped the puck around like it was my bitch. You should have seen me, friends. I was Doug Harvey and Bobby Orr rolled into one. I blasted that puck like there was no tomorrow. People were cheering and saying things like 'Hey, don't shoot so hard the kids have no equipment' and 'what are you some freak?' I bodychecked a few kids and cross checked some old people (because they clog up traffic. Mandatory driving lessons at 65 I say) and came home and had my pasta.
Without fail. I will get into why I think I'm unemployable in my next edition. Until then, hang in there. Things could be worse.
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