Some Thoughts on the CFL

The CFL is one quirky, wacky league. That's the only way open this piece. Well, that and the fact that there's no reason to write about the league these days. Luckily, I don't have to answer to editors.

If football is a proxy for how our business cultures operate then the CFL and NFL could not be any more different. The NFL had men like Lamar Hunt and Pete Rozelle to lead the it to sports supremacy in the United States. The CFL, is lovingly parochial and petty. Hmm. Sounds like Canada's political landscape. The CFL is more than a football league. It's pulse and conscience of an entire people! Well, maybe not but probably more than the NDP.

I have nothing against the CFL. I love watching Canadian football. It's the Wild West of football. The last great frontier where ideas and innovation still persist. Lest we forget the man-in-motion and shotgun came from the CFL.

But it's so utterly Canadian. As a result, it's easy to poke fun of it. If the CFL were a SCTV character it would have to be Merle Camembert played by Eugene Levy. Or Mr. Magoo. Take your pick.

God only knows how many times the CFL was saved from the throes of Camembert by Captain Canuck and Nelvana through the years. For you Americans, these are our superheroes. They may not be much but we're sticking with them.

One of the classic persistent running jokes in the CFL was that we had two teams with same name in a nine-team league. That's 22% of the league with the name Rough Riders. The Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Ottawa Rough Riders (as if making one two words and the other one would fool people) to be exact. It may have fooled people in Regina and Ottawa but not this scribe.

History lesson time. The reason why this happened was because the two teams came from separate leagues. Of course, in typical Canadian fashion rather than order one of the teams to change their names we opted to do nothing about it. So Ottawa were known as the Eastern Riders and Saskatchewan Western or Green Riders. For years it was, "which one is spelled one word?"

In the eyes of the CFL it was problem solved. Then Ottawa went bankrupt.

Problem solved permanently. You could hear the collective sigh and by league officials.

Not so quick boys. Since we're on the topic of names let us consider a couple more. One of the problems of the CFL is its marketability. Canadians too often opt for the NFL. Without facts, I am quite certain to conclude that there are more Miami Dolphins or Dallas Cowboys fans in Canada than any CFL team.

Let's start with the Montreal Alouettes. Alouettes? A traditional and catchy Quebecois folk song about plucking larks? We all learned and love the song in Quebec but are you kidding me? This is football. It's not the 'Order of Good Cheer.' The Hudson's Bay Company got out of the fur trade long ago.

Most pro teams talk about basically killing their opponents. Us? We want to pluck them. The Alouettes were first formed in 1946 and the team named itself after the famous work song "Gentil Alouette." In the dustbin of cool history facts, during the Second World War the RCAF's 425 Bomber Squadron assumed the lark as its badge and the motto "Je te plumerai."

Now let's look at the Philadelphia Eagles sing along:

Fly Eagles fly, on the road to victory...
Fight, Eagles Fight...
Score a touchdown 1,2,3...
Hit em' low, hit em' high, and watch our Eagles Fly...
Fly, Eagles fly, on the road to victory!
E A G L E S - Eagles!

Nothing about the Liberty Bell and stuff like that. Just fly, fight and win. Still, I will concede that under the right influence (beer) singing 'Gentil Alouette' is far more fun.

Memo to the Edmonton Eskimos. Eskimos is now deemed defunct as a term to describe the Inuit. Far from me to defend the meanies over at politically correct central but maybe it's time for the Esks to evolve? The Edmonton Inuits may not have the same ring to it but at least it stays in step with the mythology of the nice Canadian. On second thought, Eskimos is fine. If the Redskins can stay in Washington so can Eskimos in Edmonton I say!

What the hell is a Tiger-Cat? For this we delve into another installment of 'Sketches of a Canadian conversation at a football game.'

"Dad, what's a Tiger-Cat?"

"Well son. A Tiger-Cat is a mythical ferocious but friendly Canadian feline that lives on the Canadian shield. But make no mistake about it. A Tiger-Cat will kill everything you ever loved. And always remember to say thank you, son."

"Wow."

After World War II, the two teams that played in Hamilton -the Tigers and the Wildcats-merged to form Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Pretty creative.

The made up name Tiger-Cat is also redundant. Like chicken hawk and tuna fish. I digress.

In case you're wondering where the cool name Blue Bombers came from. It wasn't name for any of Canada's awesome World War II fighter pilots or squadrons. Nope. It was named for a beer company. Labbatt Blue that is. At least, this is what I am told. Like I said, so Canadian.

The Canadian Football League. A gem, if not downright loony, of an institution that continues to, er, pluck along.

In case you haven't noticed, I don't just sight the problem. I offer solutions no matter how bad. With further ado - that's English - I offer my suggestions for new nicknames.

I submit the Hamilton Fighting Loons, Montreal French-speaking Polar Bears and Winnipeg B-52 Bombers - or the 52ers. Or the Winnipeg Sots.