Who Tamed Spike TV?

Flipping through channels the remote control took me and my mindlessness to Spike TV. There, I uncovered a Steven Seagal (why isn't his name pronounced Sea-Gal? Why Suh-gaul?) movie fest. I don't know what Spike's motto is but it's clearly mandated to entertain men. And they do that with a mixture of violent films, Ultimate Fighting, action shows and girls - the skankier the better.

Spike's website is one step away from being a TMZ knock off with all sorts of "who gets around more" questions. It's all, well, so boring. Do I really care if Jessica Simpson is a, um, well, um...you fill in the blanks.

I sure couldn't care less.

What I'm trying to say is that Spike is not a station for kids. Yet, why are Seagal movies censored for bad language? And they don't even bother subbing and dubbing bad words like "fuck" for "fudge" either. Instead opting for the blank dub so all you hear is the word mother followed with dead silence. As in "You mother..." Nothing. Not even a beep. I see more dangerous language on Family Guy - and I know many kids are watching that.

I admit it. I don't get it. Spike is an adult station. Kids of a certain age shouldn't be watching it and if they are, their parents aren't doing their jobs. So why is Spike doing the work for them? I imagine there's some "think about the children" law that they must adhere to. We all know the law wants to clean up TV and absolve parents of having to engage in any real, well, parenting.

Father: "Son..."

Son: "Get outta here, Dad! I hate you!"

Father: "Ok, Dylan-Jacob. There's Jello-O in the fridge if you want.

Son: "Eat shit."

Father: "I love..."

Slam!

Speaking of doing things for the children, for you Simpsons buffs, Maude Flanders (shown being killed off in the image) was a character that often asked her community to "think about the children." When the show wiped her off for good, how many kids watched that? Was there a "spike" in murders in sports stands across North America? I doubt kids weren't watching this episode.

It reminds me of those old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Some over-zealous parent/religious organization probably claimed the cartoons were too violent and a source for the corruption of little minds everywhere. In the process, they managed to get the networks to calm Yosemite Sam down. If they could give him calming pills they would.

Only the little minds corrupted don't happen to be children; they're adults.

Put the swear words back for the good of immature and depraved nut jobs like me and make sure the kids are in bed or watching what they're supposed to. Be parents will ya?

Now, I'm off to eat a fucking hamburger. Is that alright? Are we still allowed to do that?

Sheesh.