Denmark Done in by Two Dummies

Here's the skinny: with the Viking titans of Sweden and Denmark locked in soccer trench-fare during a recent Euro qualifying match, the Danes needed a win badly.

How bad? As badly as Paris Hilton needs her mommy. They fell behind 3-0 only to fight back and tie the match at 3-3.

Then, in the 89th minute Christian Poulsen pulled one of the most non-sensical acts since Zinadine Zidane: he punched a player in the stomach in the penalty area. Sweden was awarded the penalty and seemed on their way to victory. That's when a marauding Dane jumped on the field and took a swing at the German referee. Despite being pushed back by Danish players he managed to clip the ref's neck. The game was subsequently called and the ref was more than happy to let UEFA sort this sucker out.

Of course, the temptation to make a Steve Bartman out of the drunken interloper is sinfully tempting. Indeed, everyone seems to be pointing this out. Well, not everyone. Someone is now pressing charges against Christian Poulsen - and it's not Marcus Rosenberg; the player he punched. Look for it on the People's Court.

What's going on with the Danes, eh? First, those cartoons and now this! Who said Scandinavians are without a pulse?

Jesting aside, personally, I put the blame squarely on Poulsen. Without his antics the fink does not jump on the field. Frankly, it's about time this little demented Dane gets his lick. Poulsen is Dennis Rodman, Ken Linseman and Claude Lemieux (so I exaggerate a little. Sue me) rolled into one. A player AC Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti once called a "coward." Poulsen is an effective and talented player but has had disciplinary problems in the past.

UEFA did make a decision and handed Sweden a 3-0 victory along with the crucial three points. For his thuggish behaviour, Poulsen has been suspended for three international matches. The Danish soccer federation should kick in a couple of their own. Maybe they can send him to the Cincinnati Bengals for disciplinarian courses?

One last thing. In 2004, Italian player Francesco Totti was suspended for duration of the Euro tournament for spitting at a player. He was lambasted in Italy for his actions and issued an immediate apology though he claimed he was provoked. At the time, no one cared. That sort of behaviour is not to be condoned. The player at the center of the controversy? Christian Poulsen.

In light of what we've seen from him since then, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility to conclude Poulsen may have provoked Totti. Nonetheless, Totti was rightly dismissed. He apologized for the embarrassment he presented Italians and served his time.

To his credit, Poulsen apologized for his recent actions. Too bad, Zidane was never able to take responsibility for his actions choosing instead to demonize - along with the French public - Marco Materazzi. Hey, Zeeenaadeen, you can take your head out of the sand (or your ass), it's safe now. The soccer world has a new bad boy.

The sad thing about all this is that Denmark is an exciting team and their presence will be missed at Euro 2008. Ironically, Poulsen's sucker punch knocked out Denmark. He and that interloper acted like a couple of, well, Danishes.