-Canada #1! In a study conducted by a reputable rag foundation UN Canada ranks first among second-rate countries. Montreal finished 3rd among third-rate cities. "Canada, as megalomaniacs, did a wonderful job of improving its rhetoric without backing any of it up. This put them ahead of France." As for Montreal "Montreal is one helluva a sexy town. Why do you think it was ranked so highly?"
-Karla Homolka set to live in Montreal district of N.D.G. One of Canada's most notorious and infamous killers is prepared to prowl the streets of West Montreal. "I decided to drop the 'H'. I figure Quebecers would be more comfortable with calling me Oh-molka." Her imminent arrival has many worried. "Karla has indeed done her time. My concern is more with the criminal justice system that allowed for her to plea her way into a 12-year sentence for her part in a heinous crime. Furthermore, just last year a Parole Board concluded after her hearing that she had not rehabillated herself. Is this the actions of a responsible society? Ooops, we're talking about Canada. Sorry. We're the most irresponsible society around."
-Christmas caroling banned. "This isn't 'It's a Wonderful Life. We are a secular society and caroling is offensive to other denominations. Tolerance is measured by how inoffensive we are to others while compromising ourselves," states Eb Scrooball of the anti-caroling defense league.
-------NEWSFLASH -------Kermit the Frog here to remind Canadians in Quebec that they are double-taxed at the Federal and Provincial level. That's TWO levels of government sticking their hands where they don't belong. Then again, most tolerate the State legislating all sorts of things that infringe upon your liberties. They are laughing at you. You need lessons from Oscar the Grouch you dummies."
Entertainment-The Commentator was interviewed by Ellen DeGeneres and following the conclusion of the meeting Ellen remarked "You make me want to go straight."
Sports
-Montreal celebrates the arrival of second tier soccer. Major League Baseball disappears unceremoniously. Some think this is the rebirth of this city.
Business
Enron symptom of deeper sinister problems. With over 6 000 companies trading on a daily basis in the world's largest and most efficient society, Enron is a rallying point for anything cynical.
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