Max: I am Not a Role Model for the Unemployed

My brother-in-law asked me if my nephew could take me to show and tell. The future of the world if we let this species grow and lead to societal collapse. I told him I was busy playing play station. I can just picture me in front of the future. "What do you have to do to be unemployed?" "Well, good question. First you need the right conditions. A mediocre society with a nanny-state is a good start. Then, you go to University where you learn to believe you're too smart for everybody. Then, you begin too realize you're not that smart and begin to take jobs that are outside your field. Then, you become jaded and disillusioned like an Arab. Then, you begin to come up with all sorts of excuses and then...." By the way, that's not me I'm describing.

I bought a pair of jeans today. Nothing like a pair of new denim slacks. It makes you feel renewed and desireable. Until you wear them a couple of times and then they become like you're wearing GWG's late at night in the subway. GWG's, I remember when Wayne Gretzky endorsed them. Anyway, they are my jeans and no one can ever take them away from me.

Some smart-alec moronic jackass who injests or smokes toxic wheat asked me if I am aim to be another 'American Splendour' type. I told him, in front of his dumb-looking wife (who was definitely worth considering if you know what I mean) to take his hand and gently apply it on his tiny little pipi and pinch hard. I am nothing like that guy. For starters, I think he's from Cleveland....yeesh.

Never fails. Whenever I'm in line at a cash it never ever never goes smoothly. The person in front of me ALWAYS has a question that ultimately leads to the cashier leaving her post for a few minutes. What can possibly be so complex about a can of beans? The 'Problem Factor' always seems to follow the same circle of people. When I was a teller way, way back, it was always the same dang clients with problems. Makes you wonder about them. If it's not lost cheques, it's their printing book and so on. Dumbasses all of them. I remember one time when a client came in asking to cash a cheque that was 2 years old. We told him that cheques were valid for six months. Never mind that he was holding up the line but answered "Oh. Ok. Can you still do it?" Actually, come to think of it. My next segment will be devoted to all stories I encountered as a teller. Some were keepers. STAY TUNED.

I saw a buddy of mine today. He carries so many degrees it's enough to puke. Anyway, we recalled a time when we worked the midnight shift at Toys 'R' Us. For University BOYS it was a dream. Guys, it was everything you could imagine and then some. We regret never getting some girls in there. Bah. One time, we went into the huge Barbie display and decided to either lower their tops or lift their skirts. In some boxes we put Ken in a position as if he was eating Barbie. Literally, we spent an hour doing this. The whole process had us giggling. The University system was not in good hands. When we showed my other buddies (we were four boyhood friends) we could not stop laughing. When the manager saw this he, at first laughed, and then flipped. Our penalty, after we fixed the display, was to stay an extra hour. Which meant until 10am. In other words, guys dressed for the midnight shift (and boy were we dressed like we did not belong among any society past or present) roamed the store floor amongst the customers. Turns out the big boys from head office flew in for a surprise visit. My friend came running like a madman, slipping and sliding with his tuque half off like he belonged in 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', screaming in front of clients 'The fricken BARBIES!?!?" We ran to the display but it was too late. No one has a sense of humour anymore.

I'm tired. It was another sleepless night. I simply could not find anything to do. It was painful ths time. I did not feel like hitting the streets like Travis Bick. So, I watched three straight episodes of The A-Team. Now that's good viewing. I also wathched an episode of Magnum. It's 2005 by the way. You know, what I don't get is the following scene. Rick runs onto the street with a semi-automatic machine gun, remember he is a CIVILIAN, shoots and KILLS someone (to save Higgins) and everyone acts like he has nothing to worry about. Shouldn't he like, run? Yeah, he saved someone but what is he doing running several blocks with a violent weapon? Try that on the politically correct loser crowd these days. Them and thier naive views on guns. These are the sorta things that keep me up at night. Maybe I'll call a chat line next time and see what that's like. "Hello, I'm Art Vandelay and I'm an architecht..."