Sketches of Canadian Politics at its Sad Finest: Shooting and Missing the Net

It's a big world but Canada and Quebec continue to act small. Ok. That's unfair. A sweeping generalization. Let me rephrase. On second thought forget it. Let ‘em be exposed for what they are.

It seems that a hockey player – Shocker! - has caused quite a story in the House of Commons. Phoenix Coyotes forward Shane Doan was accused during the recent NHL season of uttering a racial slur about French-Canadians. He denied it and following an investigation it was pretty clear someone else said it.

But that's not merely good enough for our magnificent middling hillbillies in Parliament. Here's how our political masters - oft-slaves to ignorance - reacted to Shane Doan being named captain of Team Canada at the World Hockey Championships.

To quote the Canadian Press, "The issue was brought back to life on Parliament Hill. NDP Leader Jack Layton suggested Monday that Doan's captaincy would "cast a shadow" on the Canadian team while Bloc Quebecois Leader Gilles Duceppe and Liberal Leader Stephane Dion called on the Conservative Government to comment."

Wha?

Cast a shadow? Please. Then again, this comes from a pampered socialist who thinks dialogue with ideologues like the crazy Taliban is a creative and constructive idea. Good one, Jack. We're all laughing. Insert Joe Pesci's famous "you think I'm funny?" scene in Goodfellas. I really don't like the NDP (pronounced Endipped).

Or check the one where some Bloc Mp quipped about the xenophobic attitude of Shane Doan. Now remember this is the House of Commons.

As for Gilles “I can’t believe I’m getting a pension for this” Dushlepp, I'm sure many Bloc MPs are not too fond that "les autres" are running amok on their blessed soil to begin with. So I wouldn’t cook too much of a storm Mr. Marxist Landlord. How does this serve Quebec's interests exactly? I ask you, um, Rex Murphy? I don't know whom to turn to anymore.

The one thing that caught these Bat-Ears is that Duceppe mentioned that Hockey Canada is funded by the taxpayers and they should be asked to explain their decision. Um, Mr. Duceppe, um, need I remind you that in your efforts to break-up the country you will earn a FEDERAL pension? A pension I will pay for?

How about Mr. Dion, eh? This is a leader? Tell you what. If aliens – they do so exist - were to land on my front lawn asking me to take them to my leader I would opt for that anal thing they do.

Bush has to deal with Iraq. Dion, er, handles hockey players.

Recently Al Gore said the world looks to Canada for moral leadership. Unfortunately, they also look to us for comic relief. That's why we produce more comedians on a proportional basis than any other nation on earth. Well, my friend says it's Iceland and Andorra but I'm skeptical of this.

All this started with a man named Denis "Jed" Coderre - a Liberal MP - who wrote to Hockey Canada asking them to not take Shane Doan to Torino during the Olympics in 2006. Government and pro-sports should not mix. Just like lemon grass is not a good idea with risotto.

I refuse - REFUSE! - to believe this is a story on the floor in Parliament. There's a joke I'm missing somewhere I bet. That they have the nerve to stand up and bring it up as an issue is beyond astounding. Aren’t we faced with far more important issues like the public health crisis, Afghanistan and taxes? Heck, even the environment ranks ahead of this. Man, I’d rather read about the plight of the beavers than this garbage. Speaking of the environment shouldn’t David “I am the Environment” Suzuki go back to that show he used to host?

What's disturbing is that there is no proof that Doan uttered these words. He worked it out with the linesman and the NHL looked into the matter. He was cleared. Case close. Move on. Let’s all share a poutine. But the damage has been done. Doan’s name has been dragged into the frozen tundra for the stupid actions of another.

The world's motto is now: Proof? What proof? We don't need no stinking proof. We have our bloody convictions and this is all that matters. Losers.

There is something to be said of the fact that Canada is a small player on the world stage to accord them the right to debate Shane Doan.

Mr. Coderre - or any other opportunistic baboon – when you take on such a file you’re basically saying your society- meaning Quebec- is free of this sort of stuff. And we all know Quebec is quite the xenophobic society when it chooses to be. Now who is the hypocritical racist? How can a society move forward when constantly portraying themselves as perennial victims?

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Thankfully (hopefully?) many Quebecers see right through this crap.

Here's a newsflash: how about you guys actually work.

Always remember: We get who we vote for.