Max: In the Dole - Unemployment Rate 100%

I was thinking. The unwillingness of our snollygoster's (and I use this word loosely) to tighten the democratic deficit in this country makes me want to hurt their feelings. Maybe it's time a good citizen like myself strikes back. I ain't going to be no gongoozler.

Whenever society feels powerless and overwhlemed by crime and evil it produces a superhero - Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, Fantastic Four, Captain Marvel, The Avengers, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Blue Beetle, Badger, Fatman, Duck Dodgers, Angelfood McSpade, Fritz the Cat, Rocket Robin Hood and Mighty Mouse to name a few. Well, I have decided to strike back. One major impediment is that I have no special powers. Hoo-ha.

I was not born on another planet or bitten by a toxic worm. Imagine that, a radio-active worm (of all things) bites my ass and I become Worm-Boy! I slither and sliver to the rescue licking and sticking my tongue in cataglottism in every respectable gals resting and unsuspecting vagina!

So, no powers. Can't fly and can't run at Mach-7 speeds. That sucks. God really hampered me on this front. Nothing annoys me more than wanting something badly enough only to be prevented by God's will. No wonder there are atheists among us. But! But, I have been endowed quite handsomely. Perhaps, I thought, I could use fornication to instill fear into our leaders! The decision was made, over a bowl of cereal (Froot Loops), to attack like a wobbegong and fuck every woman married to a politician like jackalopes. I will use my skills and gift of gab to infiltrate the upper echelons of power (though the word power in Canada has no meaning) - gallant soldier that I am. I may even get the Order of Canada - heck, David Ahknew has one.

My first victim, well she was not really a victim. How can she be one when she screamed, whimpered and begged for more? It was a sad spectacle. The real victim was her arrogant and crooked husband. Some may question my fiendish skullduggery but that's just gallimaufry. This is for the greater good, man.

We made love like passionate amoral dogs. I took pictures. I brushed my teeth. I went home.

I sent a letter (I used gloves to avoid finger-prints) to Parliament that was read on the floor in the House of Commons. It stated in part "I hereby decree that for every act that injures democracy in this great land, I will take one of your wives. If you are a woman, you are safe. I will not touch your husbands but you yourself are not safe. I will make senseless love to them honorificabilitudinitatibus (with honors). I will not be held accountable for my actions. Why should I? Parliament rarely is. Hear my cachinnatory! Moo-haw-haw!

I need a shtick. Perhaps a rose or a picture of Pepe Le Pew to leave behind. I'm not sure. I may also need a costume. Hmm, being hero takes work.

Such are things I think about while playing with my Superfriends figurines. It was a bloody war on an epic scale when they had to fight the Star Wars gang, the A-Team and cowboys and injuns. Welcome to my jungle, punks.