2004-11-27

Insomnia

What's that fly doing on the ceiling? 2am. Concentrate and let yourself go. Relax. Toss and turn, toss and turn, toss and turn,toss and turn. Change ends on the bed. Put the pillow over your head. Find the right position.

I think I got it now. Relax. What's that sound? Block it out. Be normal for crissakes. Argghhhh, that fucken dripping. I have to go find it and turn it off. What's on tv? Magnum, PI. Maybe I can try and fall asleep in front of the tv. That Higgins cracks me up.

4am. It's a personality crisis. Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck. I have to get up at 7am to go to work. So unproductive. Go back to sleep. Relax. BANG! What the hell was that? Go to the door.....the paper. Go back to bed. I wish I was there. I would hurl the paper back at that kid and knock him off his bike. The fly is still there? Should I kill it? Nah, by the time I get up and get a swatter it will piss me off and fly away.

I can't believe Carol. She's such a bitch. I can't work under those conditions. What the hell am I going to do? Where am I heading? I should start going out if I'm not going to sleep. Like Travis Bick. Heh, heh. I can lurk about. The problem is that I'm too tired. I just want to sleep. My eyes are tired. My heart is heavy. My arms and legs lethargic. How did Batman do it? Right. He had to avenge the murder of his parents. Redrum, REDRUM! I still think The Beatles are the greatest rock band ever. Rick is an idiot for thinking they are over rated. How can a supposed music fan say such things? I have to go buy shaving cream.

Look at her. So serene in her comfort. The blanket seems so soothing. I'm envious. Enough! Mind over matter. Relax. Toss and turn, toss and turn. This is ridiculous! FUCK! One step removed from madness. What's with the tattoo craze? Everything is a god dang trend. Immediate self-gratification annoys me. Relax. 4:30am Dozing off.....dreaming.....two men chasing me....one is carrying a severed head. Sky is orange, the killers are black silhouettes. Slow motion.

Eyes open. 6am. 1 1/2 hours of slumber. Little sleep and a nightmare. Nice. Fall back asleep. Death continues to stalk. Why? Lack of sleep. Black and white.....just a trail of blood.....at the end is a river bank....two mutilated bodies....they were just young girls...my heart sinks....look behind me a hideous figure lunges for me with an axe.....7am. Time for work.

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